Is your doctor an OB or an SOB?

How much do you trust your care provider?

Sadly, many people in the birth world perpetuate the thought that obstetricians are out to get you and sabotage your birth experience. It is not unheard of for some doulas to say things that make people distrust their doctors. “He’s just lazy." “She doesn’t care about your birth plan." “He is old and controlling.” 

Let me tell you a little secret. Your OB is NOT your enemy. Your OB has a passion for what they do, and has spent (or is still spending) thousands upon thousands of dollars to have the education to be trained to care for you and your baby. Your care provider wants what is best for you and your baby’s health based on your history and their training.

They are not the enemy. Oh, did I already say that? Well, it is worth repeating.

You choose your provider.


You choose who has the privilege of being on your birth team. You have the right and the opportunity to interview as many providers as you feel necessary. As the consumer in your health care, it is your responsibility to choose someone with whom you are compatible. This includes someone who has a similar perspective and goals regarding prenatal care and birth.

And most importantly someone you trust.

You are relying on your care provider to provide you with appropriate care, and communicate to you all the information necessary regarding all of your options for care. It is your job to communicate back, ask questions, research, follow your intuition and ultimately choose what path you take for your birth - whatever that looks like. As doulas, our responsibility lies in asking thought-provoking questions to get to the heart of your desires, and then support those decisions, whatever they may be.

What is best for you?

Just as you want what is best for you and your baby, your care provider wants what is best for your health and your baby's health. Every care provider has a belief system about what constitutes the “best” care. It is up to you to make sure that your two belief systems are aligned.

If your philosophies don't align, start researching your options on finding a care provider with whom you feel comfortable and that feeds your confidence.

We are on your team. It is not us against them.

What is best for our clients is to act as a team! It is not appropriate for a doula to plant seeds of doubt about your care provider. Your doula is not there to advocate for you, speak for you, or protect you from your OB. If you already feel that you need that protection, it may be wise to go back over the reasons why you chose that particular care provider.


Tulsa Family Doulas' goal is to collaborate together, so that you have a complete system in place. We have great relationships with Tulsa's OB’s and midwives with whom we have worked. We respect them and their role, and through that, have earned their respect with our role of support.

As Doulas, we work for you, not your provider and not the hospital. We get to work alongside them, we get to see their hearts, and their good days and their bad, and get the confirmation that we are all indeed human.

Is every OB perfect?

There are so many stories about women who have been hurt, marginalized, unheard, uninformed, and physically and unnecessarily scarred by their care provider. There is no amount of doula blogging about OBs that takes that pain away. Those are very real, very true stories that happened in the absolute most vulnerable moments of a woman's life.

Our flawed medical system, overstressed providers, and removal of basic human rights in childbirth has burdened many women and caused many tears and frustration that should never be ignored. Women, as consumers, need to have options to choose health care providers that will play on their team, will give them the respect of actual communication, and will provide them opportunities to take ownership of their own pregnancies and deliveries.

There is a definitive movement happening now in Tulsa that acknowledges the importance of birth and the postpartum period. Tulsa Family Doulas is honored to work closely with local care providers that recognize this paradigm shift and give our clients, their patients, the best model of care possible. 

Your care provider works toward healthy moms and healthy babies. Your doula focuses on healthy minds and healthy bonds. 

The thing those goals have in common is a healthy YOU.